Some men don’t know they have children somewhere

Some men don’t know they have children somewhere

One of the stories that struck me recently was about a young girl who gained admission the university last year but had to abandon her studies a few months later because she got pregnant. When asked who was responsible for the pregnancy, she claimed she couldn’t say for certain, as two young men were involved, and it all happened on the night of the famous party usually organised on university campuses to welcome freshers.

According to her, the first young man seduced her before the party and had sex with her, while the second sexual encounter happened after the party.

While we are busy pulling the ears of the girl-child on the need to close her legs more, may we also extend the same energy to the boy-child, who still feels that dipping his ‘something’ into every available hole is his birthright.

Who is teaching these children that they are too young to contend with the consequences of sexual recklessness?

One of those boys that had that sexual encounter with her on that fateful day does not even know that he is now a father of a child he may never know!

I once heard about a man who was grappling with childlessness after many years of marriage. He was fond of saying that he wished the wild oats he sowed during his school days had resulted in a child somewhere, and that one day, someone would contact him to come and claim his child.

I believe one of life’s great misfortunes is having a child whose existence you’re completely unaware of. Yet, this is the reality for many Nigerian men. A good number of them don’t even know they have a child out there.

This reality poses a huge risk, especially in this day and age, where young people meet, sleep together, and the next thing you know, there’s a baby in the picture… all before involving their families, who could have carried out proper background checks.

As for the girl in this story…sexual encounter with two men in one day?

Thank God she would learn the hard way that nothing derails a young girl’s life like an unwanted pregnancy.

Once a baby is involved at an inappropriate time, the mother is first dragged backwards before she finds stability, and everything she does from that point becomes a game of “catch-up” with her peers.

The family that made her carry the pregnancy to full term understood the assignment.

 It doesn’t always leave young people with enough remorse when their bad judgment is rewarded with a soft landing.

Did she even receive adequate sex education (from home and school) before going off to the university?

Some Biology teachers are also part of the problem!

I hope they teach sex education properly now. In our own time, those human beings spoke in riddles.

Probably because our unease and shy laughter made them even more uneasy.

A senior friend said he made a mistake some years back and that mistake came back to haunt him, almost 20 years later…in the form of a female child.

The interesting part of his story was how he even found out about the existence of his daughter. According to him, it was at his 50th birthday party that someone slipped a note into his wife’s hand. The content of the note revealed that her husband had another child she ought to know about, along with the identity of the child’s mother.

When his wife confronted him with the note in her hand, his mind was forced to travel back to a certain night before his 30th birthday. An acquaintance had introduced him to a lady for a potential marital relationship, but she was older than him, and he wasn’t ready for any form of commitment at the time. Yet, they ended up spending the night together and went their separate ways afterwards.

What he didn’t know was that ‘that one night ‘they had sex resulted in a child, one whose mother was bent on becoming a full-fledged part of his family.

Anyway, he has taken up his responsibilities towards her, although his other children are giving him the cold shoulder over the matter.

He suspects their disposition was born out of sympathy for their mother.

He also said that at the time his wife got to know about his other child, all hell was let loose in his marriage, and he found himself perpetually on his knees (pleading) and had to involve their priest and elderly relations.

Despite this happening a long time ago, he still hears, “What are you going to do with that bastard child?” out of the blue, from his wife. He said that she says this to him even when they are supposedly making love.

I just want to make it clear that no child is a bastard, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their birth. It is also cruel to teach children that another child is a bastard.